Straight, Gay, LGBT We all want to have a great relationship but some of us just don’t know how to keep one. Here are some common mistakes Gay men make in relationships.
1. Open Relationships: While we may want to live interesting and experimental lives, the biggest mistake a Gay couple can make is having an open one. You would assume that what you have is enough to make it work, but when you feel like you need more than what you have, it borders problems. You and your partner risk the trouble of falling in love with someone else, having chemistry he might prefer over yours, or risk putting the whole relationship out to dry. While threesomes may be a bit more optional, Open relationships just don’t seem to be the way to go about things and is probably the number one reason Gay relationships don’t work. Sometimes when a relationship doesn’t work its time to move on. Don’t recycle something you’re not going to use again and use OPEN as an excuse.
2. Neediness: A common relationship mistake Gay men make is attaching themselves too much and too quickly. Even twins born together have their own ways of being independent. It is not your partner’s fault if you have had issues in the past with other people or family and it is not his job to pick up the pieces. While there is nothing wrong with loving hard, a Gay man must always learn to have his own voice, his own identity and his own life. If you worry too much about latching on, you run the risk of pushing your partner away.
3. Arguing: No relationship is perfect, and we all argue and disagree sooner or later. But arguing about everything can be very toxic. Stop using excuses about how “Strong” & “Independent” you are to win a fight. Respect boundaries, respect each other and respect space and opinions. While he may not say everything you want to hear, learn to listen and learn to understand. After all, you picked him right? Don’t say anything you’re going to regret later. Sometimes words hurt more than sticks and stones and sometimes saying things in the heat of the moment can result in losing someone you truly love. If it’s not important, let it go. If it’s something you can’t control, learn to vocalize your concerns and learn to keep it to the point. If you are hitting a brick wall, analyze your relationship and make a decision whether he is right for you. But never destroy your relationship with words.
4. Being With Someone For Comfort (Money, Favors, Apartment) While there is no problem moving in with your boyfriend or sharing an account or money, there is a fine line between sharing and taking more than he wants to give. Don’t get in a relationship because you need stability and he’s your safety net. Learn to work for your own, earn your own and have your own things. There’s nothing worse than having a break-Up and you having to be out on the street because everything belongs to him. While some men may seem amazing at first, you quickly find out they may be using you as well. Be with someone because you love them, not because they can give you something of luxury.
5. Going to the club together: While many may disagree, this is probably the most common mistake a Gay man can make. A club is never a place to spend quality time with your boyfriend. While it may seem innocent and fun, Clubs involve alcohol and a bunch of hot guys (depending on what club you go to). And while you may say that your eyes are only for him, and his for you, there is a lot of distraction and a lot of men who are not afraid to flirt hardcore. Some men go to clubs just to find a man to fuck. If you are not there to hook up do not pretend like its for the music. Unfortunately, in the Gay community there are people who don’t respect what you have and while its all about trust, I don’t think you want to complicate it by having a guy shake his ass in front of you. A small bar or a more loungy upscale place is more convenient. You don’t have to worry about going to the bathroom and leaving your cameraphone on.
6. Putting Your Relationship Status on FB: You might be that guy who feels like your boyfriend should definitely change his relationship status on FB to prove his love, but this may harm you more than it works for you. Why? Because you or your boyfriend may notice that your friend requests keep growing only because people want to know who this guy is. Some guys don’t care and will hit on your boyfriend even if it says In Relationship. Don’t ask me why they’re like this, but its a fact. Also, you may get upset when these sudden mutual friends leave innuendos or comments on your boyfriends timeline, assuming your stupid enough not to notice. While anyone would assume its all about trust, like the club, some men just have no respect or dignity. Some men are more attracted to what they can’t have or will do things to spite you. So prepare yourself. Sometimes its better to just not put up a relationship status to begin with and just trust your partner. Its up to you.
7. Not Allowing Your Boyfriend To Go Out With Friends: You’re his boyfriend not his master. The biggest mistake a Gay man can do is think he can control his boyfriend. While a lot of Gay couples don’t mind being on a leash and it works for them, some people just need space. This is where trust really comes in. If you feel like you can’t trust your boyfriend enough with any of his friends, then he’s not for you. A good boyfriend is suppose to make you feel secure and know that he is there for you not because you’re around. Same thing with Passwords and emails. If you can’t trust your boyfriend you don’t deserve him. He’s his own person and whether you like it or not, we’re in the real world. Unlike the club where you’re in a close capacity to horny drunk men, the world is full of different people, not all out to get your man. Learn to trust and to live your own life as well. Some things you can do together and some apart.
1. Because we are surrounded by images of perfect bodies.
Because men are inherently superficial and inferior to women, we rely on visual cues for arousal. Marketers know this and they use hunky pictures of gay men to get us to do stuff. Like go to clubs, buy underwear, and drink more alcohol. This teaches us that we are only having fun if we look like models. Which is probably true.
2. Because we compare ourselves with our partners.
Same sex couples compare themselves with one another. It’s a one-to-one comparison. Comparing a boyfriend’s body with his girlfriend’s body is like comparing apples and oranges. Comparing a boyfriend’s body with a boyfriend’s body is like comparing apples and apples. And nobody wants to be the apple that’s a weird ugly shape and lacks the ability to get a proper tan.
3. Because if you’re a gay guy with a boyfriend, this is what he sees every day in the locker room:
I’m not kidding. You should see my gym’s locker room. Everyone is a model. Straight girls: imagine if your boyfriend went into a room full of hot, naked girls every day after he worked out. Would that not, like totally freak you out? Gay guys are pretty good at not ogling each other in the locker room (this conditioning comes from trying not to look gay in high school locker rooms). However, there are naked dudes all over the locker room. Naked dudes with perfect bodies. Trust me, your gay boyfriend has taken a peek at those perfect bodies and he’s comparing you to them. Which is terrifying because they’re perfect. I’m getting scared just thinking about it.
4. Because these are our most cherished community leaders:
(He’s a bartender).
5. Because gay people are more successful than other people, which makes them more competitive, with each other, which makes them more competitive about what their bodies look like.
Let’s face it, Gay people are better at life than straight people. They eat better, wear better clothes, and go on more glamourous vacations. I don’t really know why, it’s just a fact of life. But with this great privilege comes a great burden. Not only do we have to make tons of money to pay for all these stupid clothes and vacations, we also have to work out for hours on only 80 calories a day to prevent ourselves from being socially ostracized.
6. Because we are always running around with our shirts off.
I have no idea when it happened, but at some point shirts stopped being an option at Gay parties. When so much of socializing is done sans shirt, it heightens the pressure to be totally skinny.
Sidenote: I saw this image about six years ago and I have never been the same since. It speaks to me on so many levels. Oh, that I were that towel, being waved in the wind by those caramel hunks. Dreamz.
7. Because of fear.
Brian Moylan over at Gawker cites fear as the number one reason gay men have such hot bodies. Fear of being alone. Fear of being rejected. Etcetera. While I agree with this wholeheartedly, I think fear can be used as an explanation for pretty much every single thing in the whole world. The only reason I do anything at all is fear. Fear of being homeless. Fear of being a failure. Fear of alienating everyone in my life by going too far with my love of 80s fashion. If I wasn’t completely petrified of everything, I’d never get out of bed in the morning.
8. Because all our friends look like Ken Dolls.
There was a New York Times article a few years ago about how people with skinny friends tend to be skinny. This article affected my former roommate so tremendously that she watched me intently every time I ate something, fearful that I might eat too much and get fat, therefore causing her to gain weight. I believe there is truth to this theory. If you’re constantly surrounded by people who workout and eat lightly, you’re going to end up just as skinny as they are. It’s like a positive version of peer pressure where everyone ends up looking like Malibu Ken.
9. Because our most cherished teachers look like this:
(He’s a personal trainer).
10. Because we have nothing better to do.
Because of all their money, intelligence, and free time, Gays love hobbies. Being manic about our bodies is just another activity to add to our list of Gay Cruises, hipster-indie concerts, and gallery openings.
That concludes my list of reasons Gays hate their bodies. I hope my overwhelmingly bitter and insecure tone didn’t make me seem bitter and insecure. I’m actually not that annoyed that I hate my body (the hatred keeps me energetic and vibrant). However, I do think we need to take all of this body mania with a grain of salt. I appreciate that Gays are so body-oriented because it forces us all to be really physically fit, which leads to a happier life with more wardrobe options. Ultimately our body dysmorphia is a good thing which will force our community and outlive our straight peers and take over the world.
Now theres a job site i can get to work on